kinda bad

that i have abandoned blogging, alltogether.

its the 29th of December!

and its a Thursday!

tomorrow is friday already, and ill be home for the new years, and then it will be 2012.

i still remember in year 2000, 12 years ago, i was a 10 year old, primary 4 back then, i was probably at my dad's company new years party, and when the clock striked 12, everyone was afraid that the millenium bug would hit all the servers and what not, i still dont really know how that works but, alas nothing happen and people continued partying. And then there was this shoe game, where i had to remove one side of my shoe and they jumble them with every elses shoes, and my mum had to go find my other half, i remember being pissed, balancing on one foot and not wanting to be in the game. Now its 12 years down the road, and from a fluffeh grumpy not so smiley 10 year old, im a 22 young adult whose all smiles and snorts out sparkly colourful stuff!

TALKING ABOUT PROGRESSION!
I HAS EVOLVED!!!!
:)

Do you remember how you celebrated new years 12 years ago?
happy new year folks, be safe and i hope it brings new dreams and sunsets everyday to you!

of love and sense

You know how they say everyone has their own love language? There's physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts and quality time.

It is also extremely important that you know your lovers or even your friends or families love language.
I think my love language is through touch. I appreciate hugs, holding hands and thoughful touches, and also through words, I always share how I feel inside, be it through conversations, poems, emails or letters, and i love receiving snail mail!

Read more here

And senses plays a big part too, there are also five of them, sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. Mine would definately be smell!

*Sniff sniff sniff*
"I think you were really a dog in your past life"
:-) I think so too

wednesdays and missing

Hey papa,

I miss you a lot. I think of you all the time. Time we spent together while i grew up, happy times, not so happy times, all the times. Everyday before i sleep, i talk to you,  hoping you will hear me from the other side.

Mummy misses you a lot. She told me she has been crying thinking about you, and that you really loved her. She also has been reading your diary. I told her that's not good for her,  but she said i wouldn't understand, she has been your wife for close to thirty years. I guess i wouldn't.

I wish you were here to give me practical advice that you always give. I wish you were here so i could tell you I am starting my permanent job next month, and that all your children has grown up and now you can finally retire and build that koi pond you always talked about, and plant all the fruit trees with mummy.

I don't know why Ive been feeling rather emotional. I think its the rain.

Love,
Sarah

hope dangles on a string

i think its rather stupid to ask a question expecting a certain answer. And when you don't get the answer you want, you get disappointed.

But i still do that, cause of hope and expectations, and maybe a little stupidity involved.

rolling in the deep

 One item of the list, and then what?

beautiful soul

I haven't blogged in ages. This year has been very different for me. I went through a lot. So much that its hard to translate them into words. I've been writing, backspacing, writing, backspacing.

However, i do know the purpose of this post. I wanted to talk about my mother. I've lost my dad. It hurts, nobody can replace him. But i have a lot to be thankful for. I have beautiful memories of my dad, and i still have my mum, and my brothers.

You know how they say, daughters are closer to their dads, and therefore the term daddy's girl came about. But I've always been closer to my mum.I tell her everything. How i feel about things, about my boyfriends, about everything. And she always listens. I haven't been exactly a good daughter, I've been through my rebellious stages, lied to her, shouted back at her. But i think that whatever good I have in me, i inherited from her. and my dad of course.

The other day, the streamyx guy came to fix the phone line and the internet. She poured them drinks, and she saw the guys sniffing away, so she went to get cod liver oil and fed it to him saying its good for his cold. She is also extremely good with animals, my dad used to rescue wounded birdies, and she would nurture them until they are able to fly again.

She's probably one of the warmest person i know. And she said this once to me, and it has always been a reminder to me;
'When you give, give with all your heart!'

I'm what i am today because of her.

Beautiful people touch me everyday. Gives me a sense of hope :)

faith and doubts

facade

me and camille prom after party

its the tenth day since dad left us,

:) this is what other people see,

people ask me how are you,

i tell them im okay,

i am okay,

but does it still hurt

humor

i like making owly noises, hoo hooo hooo

also i'm thankful for friends who don't mind acting goofy just to make you laugh, and to dance to florence and the machine with you on skype : D

spring time

woman are sensitive, they over think every little thing, and they care way more than they should, but thats what makes their love so strong, will smith 

i look happy here

new hair color 

i love my reindeer top

hello kitty earphones

my final semester is passing on so fast, its gonna be April by the end of this week and May is my finals already. i have to start considering job and career options soon. 

I've started doing pilates, and i enjoy it. 

till then, much love. 

V day

Valentines day took a different spin this year. Spent it with him and friends! :) I couldn't ask for more, taking a day off from reality and having a good time. I need to break free sometimes, but on other days guilt eats me up where i think i shouldn't be.

hmmm.

just like the stars above my head

Unassuming,
Exhibiting no pretensions, boastfulness, or ostentation; modest

He thinks i am unassuming

february begins

The rain has finally stopped. This morning i was waken by sunlight peeking through my window.

As i sit under this old tree,the wind blowing against my face and ants creeping on top of me, i cant help to think of how quick time has passed. Its February! January swooshed by as i handed in my final year project.

Also how fast my dad's health has deteriorated the past three weeks. He is not not able to walk as he has difficulties breathing.  The other day i while i was sitting in front of him, i was thinking, i could barely recognize my own father. He is stick thin, the effect of not being able to eat. The last few days i sat with him through his meals. He craves for certain food, but sticks to steamed fish mainly. Today, he wanted to eat grilled cencaru with lime and onion sauce, just like the ones we find at ikan bakar places. He finished his first fish and said, Sarah, get me another half a fish! I was delighted. Today was a good day. I think he's happy his children are back. Some days, not too good.

The other day, we were discussing faith. He talked about how Chinese people are versatile,although Buddhist they believe in other gods as well, for example my grandma would bring them to the Hindu God, witness the procession of chariots. And how on one incident some people made fun of the god and they ended up in a trance thus every year they would need to break coconuts to appease the gods.

And then he moved on to Islam and Christianity. He said, I pray to Jesus Christ you know. More than to Buddha. My dad, who never believed in Jesus Christ, prays to him. He said, he is a savior, i pray to him. I don't really pray to Buddha cause Buddha has already passed on. Jesus is among us. Do you think just cause i am not a christian i will go to hell? I don't think so. He adds on.

I think a good man like you will have a place in heaven :) for sure

have a bigger heart

insecurities has got to be one of the sickest feeling ever.
in order to love and to be loved, one has to start loving ones self first.

<3 love thyself <3 love thyself <3 love thyself <3 love thyself <3

growing up

Are you sleeping?

No.

I have a question to ask you.

What?

Are you just being stubborn, that's why you refuse to listen to me?

No.

Then what is it?

I don't know.

I don't like talking to you like a child. You're making me talk to you like a child. I don't like it. I talk to you like a grown up and you don't understand. You have to freaking start growing up! 

Why are you so mean to me? You don't get me!

I'm treating you like a grown up! If i treat you like a child, you'll never grow up! So stop acting like a child.

I'm trying....it takes time.

giving

my mummy always said,
when you give,
you give with all your heart.

Only then you will not expect anything in return.

you are brighter than the stars

I haven't been blogging much, sorta lost my blogging mojo...
Much have happened in the last few weeks, and it has helped me become stronger as a person.

For my dad's sixtieth birthday, all he wish for was to not receive treatment anymore.
we support him, and we'll be there with him until the very end.

life is a journey, with an ending.
How would you live your life knowing it would end soon?
I would live it as how i lived my whole life :)

new year blues

emotionally and physically drained.

need to be strong.

need to persevere.

need to survive the week.

gasping for air

assignment datelines, presentations, and final year project dateline January 10! yikes *bites upper lip*

many sleepless nights to come!

I have been drinking lots of green tea. I have a mug of green tea next to me which i keep topping up with warm water and that keeps my day going!

lost

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?