love

love is when i got upset about scratching my car and mum leaves me this message;

try not to get too upset. it has already happened. your jusdgement is still not good but like i said you will improve in time with more experience. tc and stay focus always. should pray harder for safety.

love is when she calls to check on my safety and i didnt answer cause i was driving she drops me a text;

R u home now? try not to stay out late ok. dont let me worry about your safety, text me when you get back.

what would i do without her?

wednesdays and missing

Hey papa,

I miss you a lot. I think of you all the time. Time we spent together while i grew up, happy times, not so happy times, all the times. Everyday before i sleep, i talk to you,  hoping you will hear me from the other side.

Mummy misses you a lot. She told me she has been crying thinking about you, and that you really loved her. She also has been reading your diary. I told her that's not good for her,  but she said i wouldn't understand, she has been your wife for close to thirty years. I guess i wouldn't.

I wish you were here to give me practical advice that you always give. I wish you were here so i could tell you I am starting my permanent job next month, and that all your children has grown up and now you can finally retire and build that koi pond you always talked about, and plant all the fruit trees with mummy.

I don't know why Ive been feeling rather emotional. I think its the rain.

Love,
Sarah

men and make up

Passed something over to my brother a while ago;

MJ: hi
Me: Hey
MJ: You've got too much eyeshadow on
Me: But i don't have any on
MJ: Whatever you call that thing you have on your eye
Me: Eyeliner you mean?
MJ: Ya, that.

hehehhee

beautiful soul

I haven't blogged in ages. This year has been very different for me. I went through a lot. So much that its hard to translate them into words. I've been writing, backspacing, writing, backspacing.

However, i do know the purpose of this post. I wanted to talk about my mother. I've lost my dad. It hurts, nobody can replace him. But i have a lot to be thankful for. I have beautiful memories of my dad, and i still have my mum, and my brothers.

You know how they say, daughters are closer to their dads, and therefore the term daddy's girl came about. But I've always been closer to my mum.I tell her everything. How i feel about things, about my boyfriends, about everything. And she always listens. I haven't been exactly a good daughter, I've been through my rebellious stages, lied to her, shouted back at her. But i think that whatever good I have in me, i inherited from her. and my dad of course.

The other day, the streamyx guy came to fix the phone line and the internet. She poured them drinks, and she saw the guys sniffing away, so she went to get cod liver oil and fed it to him saying its good for his cold. She is also extremely good with animals, my dad used to rescue wounded birdies, and she would nurture them until they are able to fly again.

She's probably one of the warmest person i know. And she said this once to me, and it has always been a reminder to me;
'When you give, give with all your heart!'

I'm what i am today because of her.

Beautiful people touch me everyday. Gives me a sense of hope :)

february begins

The rain has finally stopped. This morning i was waken by sunlight peeking through my window.

As i sit under this old tree,the wind blowing against my face and ants creeping on top of me, i cant help to think of how quick time has passed. Its February! January swooshed by as i handed in my final year project.

Also how fast my dad's health has deteriorated the past three weeks. He is not not able to walk as he has difficulties breathing.  The other day i while i was sitting in front of him, i was thinking, i could barely recognize my own father. He is stick thin, the effect of not being able to eat. The last few days i sat with him through his meals. He craves for certain food, but sticks to steamed fish mainly. Today, he wanted to eat grilled cencaru with lime and onion sauce, just like the ones we find at ikan bakar places. He finished his first fish and said, Sarah, get me another half a fish! I was delighted. Today was a good day. I think he's happy his children are back. Some days, not too good.

The other day, we were discussing faith. He talked about how Chinese people are versatile,although Buddhist they believe in other gods as well, for example my grandma would bring them to the Hindu God, witness the procession of chariots. And how on one incident some people made fun of the god and they ended up in a trance thus every year they would need to break coconuts to appease the gods.

And then he moved on to Islam and Christianity. He said, I pray to Jesus Christ you know. More than to Buddha. My dad, who never believed in Jesus Christ, prays to him. He said, he is a savior, i pray to him. I don't really pray to Buddha cause Buddha has already passed on. Jesus is among us. Do you think just cause i am not a christian i will go to hell? I don't think so. He adds on.

I think a good man like you will have a place in heaven :) for sure

:D

Pretty pretty nails!

I'm in such a festive mood! Went Christmas shopping with Mona today and managed to find some gifts.

I've been also wearing a lot of red lately! And i also painted my toe nails red.

Somehow i associate red and green with Christmas.

We have less than half a month to go towards a brand new year! Feels surreal that i am actually graduating next year.

I can still remember my mum sitting with me on the front porch waiting for my bus to kindergarten and now i am all grown up. I wonder what its like for parents to see their children grow up so fast.
Seeing my parents age day by day, i get kinda scared. I just want to savor every moment i have now with them.

How your christmas preparation coming along?

:DDDD

a thousand hopes and dreams

Clearly i am not sure anymore cause i don't know what to do.
Dad's leg is swollen again. Which means only one thing. Cancer is back.

And he is in no condition to go through another round of radiation or chemotherapy.

My greatest wish for the future is to say, hi this is my dad, and he is a cancer survivor.

Hi

There's something quite amazing about my mum and dad. That although they are not Christians, they believe in prayers. In fact, my mum prays everyday. She prays to God. For me, for my brothers, for my dad, for the world. So, she requested for me to pray for my dad.

My dad is not doing so well. He completed his chemo and radiation about 2 months ago. At his last check-up he was cancer free. But now, he cant eat. Because he is suffering from something called stomach adhesion.


* Adhesions typically begin to form within the first few days after surgery, but they may not produce symptoms for months or even years. As scar tissue begins to restrict motion of the small intestines, passing food through the digestive system becomes progressively more difficult. The bowel may become blocked.

In his case, food can't pass through. He feels nausea most of the time, and has no appetite. He is losing weight drastically. And when he can't eat, we worry.

So if you're reading this, please pray for my dad, that he will get better.


Never lose faith,
Sarah

bunnies and merry go rounds

i will only hope that things will turn for the better, for you, for us

i'll go wherever you will go

As some of us know, Adam Lambert is performing in kuala lumpur right now. So while mummy was reading the papers, she went something like this;

mum: Adam Lambert looks good with make-up. Most guys don't but his eye make up looks good on him.

me: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

mum: he looks pretty.

me: tsk tsk tsk, my friend was just telling me that adam lambert makes him want to put on eyeliner.

mum: adam lambert is so handsome, too bad he is gay.

me: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? (from his song)

lols

tea roses

i was back home the last weekend to visit my folks, and i managed to find some delightful treasures of my mum's

a lovely charm bracelet, necklace and pendant.

how pretty

i also took back with me some vintage bags...

my dad. see the resemblance?
when you go back home, don't forget to check your old chest or closet, there just might some wonderful items hidden away!
What goes around comes around, everything old is new again!

cinderelly, cinderelly

urghhhhhh its stuck in my head,

Cinderelly, Cinderelly
Night and day it's Cinderelly
Make the fire, fix the breakfast
Wash the dishes, do the mopping

urghhhhh cinderelly, cinderelly...gee--t ou-tttt offf mmmyy heeaaddd urghhh

look me have bangs!

I cut them myself!

haha just kidding...

Its detachable cause its a freaking wig. lol

i look silly, just bought it for fun.

i have some pictures to share. These are my mums pictures when she was 16.

We look really different cause i take after my dad. I'll take some pictures of my dad when he was younger to share next.

Have a good weekend!
Loves loves

simple pleasures

weekend was filled with time spent with family

time for celebrating and catching up...

time to go visit my grand mama's home and play under the ciku tree

time to go look for durian's with cousins...

time to use your senses to see if the durian is ripe...

time to pick up the durian....

time to sit on the grass and enjoy the durian, it was awesome!

Gavin loves durian...inherited the Asian genes
time to take pictures with our mums home....

okay my time to.....ya da ya da thing is getting boring.... this is the abandoned chicken coop. when mama was alive, we had turkey, chicken, duck, geese and i would wake up in the morning to go collect eggs.

iron brass bed that we used to sleep in as kids. its like a freaking beautiful bed with opal engraved in it.......

this well is situated next to the kitchen area.. now three fishes live inside. Every time we go back to mama's house, we feel emo, cause its all falling apart.

I never met my mum's dad, but I heard that he was a man who lived a good life, always dressed in a white suit, smoke pipes and plays the violin.

I met my grandmama, she left us when i was about 5. I always remember her donned in her kebaya and sarong, with a sanggul. She was just like how her children described her, patient. She was uneducated, but very smart.

so sad i see other people got grandparents but i don't.

i should be grateful that i still have my parents. yesh.

Lovesssssssssssssssssss you

:-))))))))

yesterday i prayed extra extra extra hard for my dad, and that no matter what results, i pray that God will help us bear with it.

message from dad:

The result showed that the tumor is gone. The doctor wants me to go for another round of chemo to make sure it wont come back. Need to do 6 rounds every 3 weeks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So now we are all relieved, and we can usher in the Chinese new year in peace. Last two years has been a really rocky year for my family. I remember last year, roughly around the same time we ushered in the new year with low spirits cause dads cancer spread to his prostrate and had to go for his big op, to remove his prostrate and bladder.

Credit goes to my SUPER mum who takes care of my dad so well and my dad too for being calm and positive about things.

Dad's chemo this time will cost around 3k per round, so i pray that god will provide for us. I am really thankful for everyone's support, especially those who prayed for my dad.

Now we all should pray hard for brother Raymond See for a breakthrough, so that his family will be able to usher in the new year with joy too...