Unpredicted

As known from my previous posts,
I have been slightly depressed.

So, it was just last morning,
I was telling my friend,
How depressing life was
, and how I felt like I wanted to die.

This was part of my conversation;
[9/8/2007 12:16:59 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: i want to rot and die
[9/8/2007 12:17:09 PM] haqimy says: -_-
[9/8/2007 12:17:33 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: u don’t know how I feel
[9/8/2007 12:17:36 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: i have been studying
[9/8/2007 12:17:40 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: and stressed out
[9/8/2007 12:17:46 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: its all in me
[9/8/2007 12:17:50 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: i feel like exploding
[9/8/2007 12:18:25 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says and my last exam
[9/8/2007 12:18:28 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: how suckish it was
[9/8/2007 12:18:31 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: its still IN ME
[9/8/2007 12:18:32 PM] Sarah Teo Yan-Li says: argh

I didn’t realize how unwholesome my talk was,
Until,
Someone did die.
Not die literally, but committed suicide.
Yes, in the apartment I am staying in.

I was in the common hall,
Watching lord of the rings,
Paying full attention to the lap top screen,
There was a lot of commotion going on behind me,
I still ignored and carried on watching,
Until my friend came and told me,

“Hey a girl just jumped down from the 18th floor, and died”.

My heart stopped for a second.
And I went like what on earth.
Jumping is for losers and sinners.
And it stroke me again,
About my unwholesome talk that afternoon.

My heart ache for the girl,
But my heart aches even more for those she left behind.

No matter how depressed I am,
Or how I feel like dying,
I will never resort to suicide,
Cause to me,
It doesn’t end anything,
But it creates even more problems.

And most importantly,
It is wrong in the name of the sovereign lord.

But,
Who am I to judge her?

The problems I am facing may be very minuscule compared to hers,
And the thought of dying is already there.
So I guess all of us have to be extremely strong in faith, will and mind.